Yesterday Has Gone

I had a dream two nights ago, and it was unexpected, to say the least.

I dreamt about Dave.

You know how in dreams everything seems to make sense when in real life, the events would be illogical?

That’s how they usually are. But in this case, the events were rational, and if they happened before late last year, would have been very much possible.

You see, I broke up with Dave a year ago, and yesterday marks the death anniversary of our relationship. Also, tomorrow should’ve been our fourth year anniversary together. I’m so harsh I can punch myself. No wonder he was a wreck after I ended things.

Back to the dream: we were in a mall-like structures, with boutiques and flagship stores and whatnot. We were part of a race (we were partners, look at that), and one of the goals was to find clues in stores. The clues were random, so I didn’t know how to find them, or how they’d lead us to the next stop. As expected, we both sucked at the game. We went from place to place, but we couldn’t figure out any clues. After a while, we just gave up and decided to explore the mall.

He was being the gentleman that he is (or was, I don’t know, I haven’t seen him for a while), and though the feelings I felt while I was with him wasn’t as exhilarating as the ones I felt when I dreamt about Darren (which caught me off-guard!), they were still good feelings, like tiny butterflies that are cute.

I wanted to buy clothes (I have this tendency to buy clothes (among others) whenever I’m with Dave), and he obliged. However, it turned out that he didn’t have enough cash with him to pay for my recent buys, so the manager gave us work clothes because we were going to work for him to pay back the things I bought. I wasn’t having it, so I miraculously produced a wad of cash from my pocket and paid for the purchases myself. Talk about independent woman.

But everything has come to pass, like this dream and my relationship with Dave. True, we’re trying to get past the hurt and glaring differences and mend the friendship we once had, but I couldn’t rely on him now like I did before. Maybe the dream tried to tell me something; by ending my dream like that (with me paying for my own things), my subconscious is telling me to stand up for myself and face the world alone. After all, I’ll be the only one who’d truly be there for me. I might as well get used to it by now (and maybe get some strength and self-confidence while I’m at it).

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