Thoughts the night before hell day #4

I miss you,
but I don’t want to spend time with you.
If I do, it becomes painfully clear
that we live in different worlds
and you do not love me the way I love you.

It hurts.

I hate how the world is unfair,
and I hate how people don’t care for me the way I care for them.
This reality is cruel.

I don’t want to be completely immersed in someone, and see them not feel the same way about me.
Who’s going to catch me when I fall?
The cold hard ground, the cement floor – because even my shadow disappears when I get too close.

When we are not together, I can imagine an alternate universe-
Where you long for me as much as I long for you.
I could live in my daydreams, and experience momentary bliss,
when in my mind’s eye, you look at me as if I’m the most precious one there is,
and that you’ll be afraid to lose me.
I’ll see it in your eyes.

When will I ever be enough for somebody?

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