Girls’ night Out

22 July 2016
Catching-up session with Chiara and Ena in Chiara’s condo coz we saw each other after two months of summer break. Chiara is back from her Europe trip while Ena’s from Bicol. Ate dinner at Hainanese and watched Ghostbusters. ❤️

Are these med students ready for LU IV? Do we have a choice? 😭😭😭

 

Dinner at Hainanese Delights

Ena behind me

Hello, Chiara!


The three of us ❤️

Ena’s wacky faces

  

Barfing and Impulsive Decisions

I can’t see straight.

I decided to get drunk alone on a Saturday night. I’m either a loner or I don’t have enough friends- forcing me to do this alone.

This weekend is an intermodule weekend, which means I don’t have any exams next week. Considering I’m a med student, these weekends when I don’t have to do anything are rare. They’d be rarer as I go up the ladder of med school hierarchy.

Anyway, I thought it would be such a good idea to drink myself dizzy considering it’s an intermodule weekend after all. I won’t have to feel guilty not studying (not that I study when there’s a nearing exam, but more of that in a different post).

I went to a newly opened gastrobar near my school and ordered a whole bottle of a customized cocktail drink. However, when the bottle arrived, it became apparent that this was to be shared, as a group. I couldn’t handle drinking all of it alone. I texted all of my friends (amounting to two), but they were both busy. I sighed and started drinking while reading a novel (which I bought on a whim five minutes before closing time last night).

I downed everything, but the world was already spinning and my throat tasted like 70% ethyl alcohol (I have tasted, albeit accidentally, this ethyl alcohol we use to disinfect our hands with). I wasn’t even sure I could stand, much less walk. I waited for a couple of minutes, but my head did not get any better.

Doing shit impulsively stemmed from my boyfriend and I’s apparent breakup yesterday. I’m not even sure if we are officiallyover, but I wanted to do “strong, independent woman” acts just in case. Plus this was the only weekend I had free in the near future.

Thank heavens that my condo building’s just near the campus so I didn’t have to take public transpo. I would’ve barfed inside a jeep the minute it started moving. I was afraid I’d walk in a zigzag-like fashion, so I was hesitant to cross the roads, but surprisingly, I walked kinda straight lines. Straighter than how sober Abby would’ve walked, in fact. People may have smelled the alcohol reeking off my clothes, which made them avoid me. It made me feel better, though. People avoiding me, I mean. I am so weird.

I was hoping Eon (my roommate) would still be there in case I collapsed in front of our door. I saw her just sitting there before I left. Alas, when I successfully unlocked the door after several drunken attempts, she was not inside. I tried drinking some water so I won’t get a hangover, but I vomited. The sink is full of unwashed dishes.

I only smelled the remnants of instant noodles.

When I got in, I also heard the distant going off of fireworks in SM Mall of Asia. I guess it’s the pyrotechnics competition again.

Now I’m in bed and safe, though drunk and lightheaded.

As I’m drifting off to sleep, I realize:

My armpits still smell bad.

At the Ball

Are you smoking out here?
No, Ma’am. I’m getting some fresh air. I have not and will not smoke; I think my lungs have dealt with more than enough damage already.
Why is that?
My father is a heavy smoker. I’ve inhaled second-hand smoke all my life.
Why don’t you talk to him?
Well, ma’am, I have gone through very unpleasant experiences. I try to speak to him as little as possible. Few would understand, and I hope you would not judge me. I have chosen my path and thought things through.
Why do you look up often?
I miss the stars. The night sky is very different here; what with all the pollution. I used to love looking at the night sky and just stare at it for long periods of time, at awe of it. Have you seen pictures of the night sky so beautiful the dots of stars overlap and everything is so vast and plenty? That was how I saw it when I was a child. Then the years came and took me away. The city releases me less and less.

Jumbled

They say that hitting rock bottom is a good thing, because you cannot go anywhere but up.

Why am I still here, then?

People may think I have it better, and in a lot of perspectives, I am. It’s just hard when I a me and I see everyone’s glory and trying-agains and phoenix-like glory, rising from the ashes.

I have been reduced to ashes ever since I was a child. I still see no improvement.

I have tried my best to face life head on, to try to make the best out of every situation, but nothing has changed. I am still here.

Over the years, life has not gazed on me so positively. Nineteen years later, here I am – pessimistic, rash, bitter, and getting less intelligent by the second.

I am what circumstances have made me. I am sad for myself and sad for how my life is going. It is hard to get my life together when everything is going against me. Life is fair in that it is unfair to everyone. I just got dealt some sad cards.