First day in Derma

Two more months to go and I’m done with my 2nd year of med school! Just started with our Dermatology module today with lectures and panel non-stop from 8 am to 4 pm. From the orientation, we went straight to lectures about common pathologic diseases and we even had patients from the hospital’s support club join us for a panel. I appreciate the efforts of Derma to have this panel so we could apply our learnings and learn how the diseases affect people’s lives, especially those in the marginalized sector.

I was so drained afterwards. I didn’t get to study tonight because I had to wash all my uniforms because I didn’t have money to bring my laundry to the laundry shop. Usually, our school is pretty lax with the wearing of uniforms, but Derma is strict (in general: from the time you come in, to attendance checking every class, to complete uniforms). The module is only for one week so everything is jam-packed because we have to take 3 exams by Friday morning: OSCE, module exam, and kodachrome.

My hands hurt from the washing and cleaning the condo (I had to do spring cleaning because I’m the only one left here and the whole place is a mess). I hope tomorrow will be better for me.

Madali lang mag-move on

Tama ka, David. Mahirap ngang mag-move on. Sa rami na ng ginawa ko, inatupag, inaatupag, at aatupagin ko, ang rami ko pa ring hindi makalimutan. Ang rami ko pa ring binabalik-balikan – gustuhin ko man o hindi.

Tama ka, at isa ako sa mga taong ang hirap humarap sa ngayon at bukas. Palagi akong nakatalikod, tinitingnan ang nakaraan. Nakatira ako sa nakaraan.

Tama ka, ngunit kailangan kong sabihin sa’yong madali lang para makumbinsi ko sarili ko na kaya ko ‘to at oo, madali lang siya. Kailangan ko sabihin ang mga katagang iyon para marinig ng kalawakan at sana ay makarating sa puso, isipan, at kaluluwa kong durog. Oo, kasinungalingan, pero ito ang unang hakbang ko para mag-move on. At baka lang naman, balang araw, magiging totoo nga ang sinabi ko.

Hinihintay ko pa rin ang araw na iyon.

DOTS

Was seething with rage earlier because people can’t seem to grasp why we are so against Marcos. I planned a nice lineup of blog posts but I can’t bring myself to think straight because I know my emotions will take a hold of me. I’ve been stuck in bed for hours doing nothing academic which makes me wonder if I’m really taking medical school seriously. I’m in bed and not studying because the negative emotions have incapacitated me.

Anyway, I’ve been playing this game called DOTS which I discovered in the App Store by accident. I’ve been wasting all my time there and look where I am now. Take note that the usual full life for this level is 15 but I have 30 HAH. O don’t know why I’m so proud of this when I’m behind on my lessons. 😂

  
Am I a 2nd year med student or a DOTS game bum?

4 years later and still no better

I’ve been out of my funk all the years I’ve studied in med school. Walang gana since LU1. I’m scared because this is a huge no-no in med school. Sooner or later, I’ll be forced to change my attitude or get flunked. I don’t want to fail, but I really don’t feel the joy in studying all these concepts. At first I thought it was burn out, but I don’t think burn out lasts this long. I just want to graduate and have a good life. Why can’t I feel anything?